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Building trusting relationships can, on the one hand, be deeply satisfying, on the other, it can be like sand slipping through your fingers.

You just have to be there, through the ups and downs, just be there.

And nobody said this would be easy.

“I haven’t had a drink, Chris”.

Producing a breathalyser or a drug test kit at 9 am on a Tuesday morning. Because I simply don’t believe them, can and does instantly strip that nurtured relationship back to its starting point.

“Okay Chris before I pee in your pot, your test will find a bit of weed and diazepam, just saying”.

I like this.


Because they are telling me the outcome before I produce the evidence. If that conversation happens then trust is still in the game. It’s not gone completely. They want me to know.

Then we have something to build on again. A slither of honesty (very closely linked to trust) possibly forced but nevertheless something.

To be told “Yeah Mate, I have been drinking through the night, just sips”, is surprisingly a lot better than just blowing up (literally) my breathalyser because they have just downed a litre of vodka or more and think they can hide this.

It does all happen!

How do you come back from the humiliation of a positive test?

A test which is imposed on you, by the person you built up trust with, and then chose to deceive.

By holding the line, reflecting what you see, and challenging behaviour can (not always) work.

But really, it’s…

You just have to be there, through the ups and downs, just be there.


17th August 2023